


Broken Heels and Diamond Bits

by Nehszriah



Series: The Thick of UNIT [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: Eleven and Osgood are idkbffs, F/M, Fluff, Prompt Fic, only rated T because Malcolm's mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 13:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5249732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nehszriah/pseuds/Nehszriah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An excavation trip to the diamond beaches of Jelronn VI leads to a slight wardrobe malfunction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Heels and Diamond Bits

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go: another Malcolm/Kate fic, very little plot but lots of fluff, which is the important (and cute) thing.

He wasn’t really sure how it happened. An hour previous he was sitting in his office, tapping out a “don’t you fucking dare or I’ll eviscerate and stuff you like a human haggis” order, but an hour hence saw him on a completely different planet, in a different galaxy, with the floppy-haired, bowtie-wearing alien, Scarfy, and Kate as they collected diamond bits along a sandy green shoreline.

“This feels fucking ridiculous,” Malcolm scowled, looking down into the basket he was carrying. It was a completely ordinary picnic basket, if it weren’t for the fact it contained roughly the combined yearly GDP of China and the UK combined. “I thought we can synthesize diamonds back home—what’s the point of this?”

“The diamond beaches of Jelronn VI are not only natural, but are impeccably pure,” Kate replied, picking up a gem the size of her thumb and examining it in the light of the far-off twin suns. “You can synthesize all you want, but the real deal is worth it when you need them for the sciences.”

“Okay, but did we have to bring along Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?” He gestured over to where the Doctor was showing Osgood an overly-large stone, both excited at the innumerable number of natural facets it possessed.

“The Doctor’s our ride and Osgood _is_ scientific personnel, whether you like it or not,” she deadpanned. “I know you’re not a fan, but please behave for the sanity of us all during the trip. It won’t kill you.”

“Don’t know that, love,” he grumbled. Malcolm held out the basket and allowed Kate to put more diamonds in. They continued combing the beach, inexplicably getting sand in odd places. Before long, Osgood and the Doctor approached them with heaping handfuls of diamonds for the collection.

“This should be about enough,” Osgood said. She then took a device out of her pocket that beeped and whirred and something on the little screen lit up cheerily. “Oh! It looks like there’s a deposit of rubies and various beryl species nearby. Those could be useful with McGillop’s experiments with crystalline energies.”

“Then go ahead and get what you think he might need,” Kate said in approval. “I’ll wait in the TARDIS with Tall, Grey, and Grumpy over here.”

“I’ll go, just to keep an eye on things,” the Doctor added, giving the older two humans a wink before he followed Osgood.

“Should we worry about them?” Malcolm wondered, pointing at the pair as they vanished behind a rock outcropping.

“Not at all; the Doctor’s a perfect gentleman, and not one to cheat. He already has himself a human companion, and he sees her on Wednesdays,” Kate chuckled. She pivoted on her foot and the heel of her shoe suddenly snapped off, sending her crashing to the ground. Hitting her head as she landed awkwardly on the ground, she let out a string of curse words that Malcolm wasn’t sure whether or not he was proud of.

“Hey, you alright?” he asked, crouching down at her side. She grumbled sourly and bent to feel both her foot and her nose at the same time.

“Something’s twisted,” she grimaced. “Gimme a boost and I can lean on you once we get to the TARDIS medical bay.”

“It has one of those?” His brows shot up, thoroughly impressed with the ship’s level of preparedness.

“Of course it does. Now come on and let’s get a move on before the others come back and suddenly they think I’ve shattered something and will die of gangrene.”

“Medical doctors, neither of them are,” Malcolm agreed. He put the diamond basket in her lap and slipped her broken heel into his jacket pocket. Before Kate could do anything, he lifted her into the air and began to carry her towards the TARDIS.

“Tucker, put me down! That is an order!” she demanded.

“Order respectfully called bullshit until you stop wearing such breakable heels—no wonder those things went out of fashion for men ages ago. It’s a miracle women still put up with the risk,” he said. Making his way into the TARDIS, he looked up at the spinning control module and frowned pensively. “The lady says you’ve got a medical bay, but I’ll be fucked if I know where it is.”

After a couple whines and beeps, one of the corridors lit up helpfully. Malcolm followed the lights past a couple bends to a door that slid open to reveal a wide assortment of space-age medical equipment. He placed his boss down on the bed and began to rummage through the many flasks and tubs that sat on the nearby table.

“ _Malcolm_ , I think I can take it from here,” Kate insisted, placing the basket next to her on the bed.

“Don’t give me any of that stiff upper lip shit,” he sniped back. “We all need taking care of… it’s one of the things I’ve learned rather recently in life, and I’m not going to let you ignore it.” He held up a squeeze tube of something and waited for the translation microbes to take effect. It always made him feel uneasy as he watched the utterly alien script melt and shimmer and reform in front of his very eyes, eventually telling him he was holding a salve to rapidly close cuts. “Ah, here we go; the magic stuff. Not sure if I can even list the number of movie villains that would’ve killed for a swab of this hocus-pocus.”

“I keep on asking the Doctor if I can take some back to the labs and reverse-engineer it, but he always avoids giving me a straight answer,” she muttered. Pressing her lips into a thin line, she kept her eyes glued to the floor instead of her coworker as he dabbed a bit of salve on a cotton ball and spread it across the cut on her nose. It almost seemed to bubble and hiss as it closed up, the only evidence there was even a scrape at all being the half-dried blood around it.

“You introduce this to humanity too soon and it’d be fucking chaos,” he marveled. “Every little pisser and wank would be scrambling just to get their hands on a drop. Everyone would think it’s their ticket to looking perfect, when really your scars just hide how not-perfect you are… and that’s what makes you human.” Malcolm handed Kate a damp cloth to let her wash her face on her own. “A flawless face doesn’t always make you good.”

“Something tells me you’ve had more than your fair share of flawless faces hiding thing much worse than a couple minor faults,” she said. He didn’t answer her, continuing to pick through the TARDIS’s stores of medical wonders. “Thank you, by the way.”

“Yeah… nah, don’t mention it,” he replied, brushing the comment aside. He returned to her side brandishing what looked like a pricing gun from a supermarket. Scanning her twisted ankle with the red laser, he went all around her foot until he covered the entire bit not covered by pant leg. “How’s that feel?”

“Much better.” Kate hopped down off the bed and stood on her foot, testing the job. “Yes—this will definitely do. Good thing the TARDIS likes us, or we’d still be wandering about. Dad got lost in here for a fortnight once.”

“Long as the company’s good, I don’t care if I’m lost in here for a month,” Malcolm said, giving her a grin. She rolled her eyes and shoved him away, slipping out of her other shoe and walking back to the console room in stocking feet.


End file.
